>>Sometimes I wonder if divorce is higher among adults who were CIO'd vs
non-CIO'd or co-slept.  It would be hard to study, though.  >>Just a
thought.

I certainly wonder.  That business about poorly attached children later
freezing rather than fighting in trauma turned on a lightbulb over my
head.  Freezing is a juvenile response to stress, as if the person were
"stuck" and had not been able to mature past that point.

I also wonder if the rise in awareness and diagnoses of personality
disorders is one of those markers of a poorly-nurtured generation coming of
age, the way we see this huge increase in obesity and diabetes on the
physical side of things.

Really, how can we expect children to know how to be interdependent adults
who can negotiate the ups and downs of mature relationships if we refuse to
model it for them?  Or how to handle trauma and stress as adults, if we do
not walk with them through the trauma and stress of childhood?

I am so sad to see how many parents in my social and community circles are
flat out proud that they are their children's adversary, constantly
directing and correcting them, as if the alternative is to be a permissive,
boundary-less "buddy."  I hope that I am a coach to my children, in the
best sense of the word, wanting to provide them with the skills they need
to win, and lots of encouragement, sometimes from the sidelines, but
sometimes with my hands holding their hands, guiding them through the
necessary motions.  Crazy fun pizza parties when together we overcome an
obstacle.  Always on the same team!

Lynn Carter OFS LLLL IBCLC
Missouri, USA

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