Sam,
Your situation with the mother at your meeting whose baby's appearance
worried every other person at the meeting reminded me of a similar situation
that occurred to me many years ago.

One experienced breastfeeding mother of her third baby (age 8 months?10
months?)  returned to our group after not having come for a while. and the
baby's appearance frightened all of us.

Instead of calling her on the phone, I went to her home. It was summer, so
the front door was open and I knew someone would be there.

When she came to the door the baby looked even worse. I told her that I was
very worried for her and the baby and that I was willing to go with her
immediately to her doctor's in case she was feeling afraid of what the
doctor would say or do.

She broke down in tears and said that indeed she was afraid that they would
think she was a terrible mother. She had tried everything she could think of
to no avail,  and she knew they would insist on breastfeeding being the
problem.

She went by herself, as she said my courage to face her gave her the courage
to go herself.

She was referred to specialists who hospitalized the baby immediately(yes,
they supplemented baby to no avail) and eventually diagnosed Job's syndrome,
a very rare condition with only a few known cases at the time. Antibiotics
for the rest of her life were prescribed and were expected to help her
recover and to keep her well. I have lost track of the mom, but the
breastfeeding relationship was preserved.

Follow your gut and be honest with the mom. The worst thing that can happen
is that she will be mad at you. Good luck.

Karen

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