Susan -- Maybe it's because I, too, live in San Francisco, where the unusual is almost always accepted,  but I don't find this weird.  Baby knew that dad and formula were not what he wanted, but he learned to "make do" until mom came back. 

 Is this really any different than the father, reported of some time ago on Lactnet, who had to put on his wife's robe, and tuck the bottle of expressed breastmilk into his armpit, before the baby would accept a different feeding method?

Some babies go from mom to bottle+other care giver and back to mom again with no problems.  Others develop compensatory mechanisms.  How long we can let them indulge in these mechanisms, once the need for them is past, is another matter.   And how do we trade these mechanisms for more publicly acceptable ones?  (And if we get the kid to understand we only do this at home, are we starting to put him in a closet of any sort?) These are probably the questions Dad is really asking. 

I can only answer these of my own experience.

My son, who was a switch-nurser from birth (due to prematurity, tubes 
and bottles were his first introduction to food).   He was also used
 to sucking on other people's thumbs when he wanted to suck, but 
didn't want to eat.  He didn't seem have particularly different 
mannerisms for breast or bottle.  Around a year, after he weaned 
himself for a few weeks, then relactated, he developed an active interest
 in nursing on anyone available.  This was not like the vague 
movements newborns make towards the chest of whoever is holding 
them.  This was going over to whichever person was around, 
particularly female, but sometimes male as well, and trying to nurse.
Some of these were quite embarrassing incidents:  he pulled down his 
grandma's bathing suit top at her yacht club on the East Coast.  He 
yanked down a tank top on a very attractive women on a plane, who 
was cooing over him (and making at eyes at his dad).

I can't really remember how we changed this habit, and got him to 
realize it was inappropriate to go for any one's chest but my own.
I'm sure we did a lot of talking, but that could only have gone so far 
with a year-old.  I remember we did have to stop reacting like it was 
fun or funny -- but I don't remember much else.  It was 25 year ago.

And I don't think this is going to "turn his son gay" if it persists.

Sincerely,  Chanita

   

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From:   Susan Z. Condon[SMTP:[log in to unmask]]
Sent:   Friday, November 07, 1997 6:59 AM
Subject:        Father caring for breastfeeding son

Dear Colleagues:

I am no-mail right now (had been since July to prepare for IBLCE exam....
I PASSED!!!  Now I am swamped with work) and need your thoughts for a 
family I am consulting with.  Can't find anything on this subject.  Please
e-mail me privately if you have any ideas for me on how to respond.  In 
his own words, I quote:  

"I am the father of a now 11 month old boy. We have no family to assist
us and do not want a "nanny", even if we could afford it. His mother
continues to breastfeed him.  My question may seem a bit odd or amusing
(it has to some female friends) but it has me  concerned.  When he was 8
months old, his mother had to go away for 2 weeks without him on a
work assignment.  It was a necessity for her career.  I cared for the
baby those two weeks..and found that weaning him with the formula was
not a job I would ever sign up for again.  I was trying 
everything...pacifiers (spit out with disgust)...he wouldn't eat from
the bottle until he was so famished that he had to.  Most of the time,
he was unconsolable. Then, one day as I held him in my arms as he 
screamed and kicked, rocking him and trying to get him to take the
bottle of formula, he turned his head and latched onto my bicep with a
suction force of a vacumn. He calmed down immediately...and I allowed
him to continue until he peacefully went to sleep.  The next 9 days, he
used my arm as his pacifier...(believe me, I understand now when she
would cry out in pain when the baby was nursing)...and it actually
worked to calm him down...and he started to take in formula and some
baby foods...when he got tired, he'd go for the arm...if you're not
rolling over laughing, I would appreciate some feedback on this. When
I take care of him now, he wants to use my arm as usual...and I am
afraid this is a little too weird...Am I overconcerned?"

Susan Z. Condon, IBCLC, CLE, CLC
International Board Certified Lactation Consultant
Certified Lactation Educator/Counselor
LACTATION CONSULTING HOME SERVICES
1846 Church Street
San Francisco, CA  94131-2713

Home/FAX: 415-282-7816
E-mail: <[log in to unmask]>

See the Lactation Consultant heading in the "Ask the
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