Dear Theresa,
My radar went up as soon as I began reading your post.  We have a family 
relative who was born in Korea, and adopted by a family 20+ years ago.  As an 
infant, she had been in an orphanage for anywhere from several months of age to a 
year+ (I can't recall her exact age), before her adoption became final.  She 
has grown into a sweet, quiet woman.  Several months ago she gave birth to a 
son. She said throughout pregnancy that she planned to breastfeed. However, when 
the baby was born, she too would have nothing to do with it.  It was a 
planned c-section because "mom is much too small to birth a normal size baby" -never 
mind that he too was a little tike (5# max). She rarely, if ever, put him to 
breast in the early days. Then said she planned to pump and bottle her milk to 
the baby. The pump was obtained, but never used.  Her mother explained to me 
later that they had been working with her throughout her pregnancy to 'teach' 
her how to mother a baby.  I wasn't aware of it at her adoption, because I 
didn't see her, but she was a Failure To Thrive baby. Not just the 2 deviation 
points on the growth chart, but FTT due to not being held and 'mothered' for 
anything but basic diaper changes, bathing etc. while in the orphanage.  This can 
have profound effects on people that last a lifetime.  I saw this young 
mother recently.  Her little guy is still small, but appropriate. She, however, is 
quite detached from her baby. When she holds him, which was rare, as she was 
handing him out to whoever would take him, he is held on her hip facing 
outward. Minimal touching, no eye contact, and baby appears as stiff as mom.  It's so 
sad. Her husband is a very warm, caring man and hugs her alot, and holds/hugs 
baby alot too.  If the mom you worked with experienced a situation similar to 
this relative, it may explain some things for you.  This mom doesn't respond 
to the baby's cries for food, diaper changes etc. without prompting by her 
family. When you think about it, this is how it was for her in the orphanage.  
Breastfeeding, if she could have withstood such intimate touch from a little 
baby (I don't think all moms can) would have taught her how to hold, feed, and 
respond to her baby naturally.  Another thought that comes to mind is if the mom 
you worked with experienced any physical or sexual abuse in her past, 
breastfeeding may be too intimate and intimidating. It may feel like she's giving up 
more control of her body than she's comfortable with.  
Pat yourself on the back and know you did your best.
Warmly,
Sue Manore, LLLL, IBCLC

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