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Subject:
From:
Jim & Winnie Mading <[log in to unmask]>
Reply To:
Lactation Information and Discussion <[log in to unmask]>
Date:
Wed, 7 Jan 2004 11:11:12 -0600
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Laura asks:
"I'm wondering if (for those of you in the
  field) experience any hostility from a BF mothers family toward
your aiding
  a mother and infants breastfeeding.  Is this a common thing?"

I work primarily in the hospital setting with newborns, although I
also handle phone calls and outpatient visits from moms after
discharge.  There are times I get definite "vibes" from family
members that they don't buy what I'm saying.  Rarely they will speak
out, but more often it's in the questions they ask.  If I get the
feeling that dad is a very controlling type I may pass this info on
to the mom's nurse and/or the OB Social Worker if I feel it may
indicate problems beyond just the feeding issue.
The most common response I get, especially from baby's grandmas, is
"Where were you when I had my babies?" or, "I wish I had known that
20 years ago."  (Incidentally, when I go in a room and there are
visitors, I always ask the mom if she prefers I come back when the
visitors are gone or if baby is obviously wanting to nurse right
now, whether she'd prefer they wait outside while I work with her.)
I think the key issues (and every case is different) are focusing on
the needs of the mom and baby, modeling to the parents how to deal
with criticism, and directly and/or indirectly countering the
misinformation or old wives tales the family/visitors are spouting.
I will often counter the above comments with "I wish I had known
half of what I know now when I had my babies!"  This both
acknowledges that they didn't have the same help moms now have and
lets them see me as someone who was "in the same boat" as they were
when I was a new mom.
I find it interesting how many times, when people hear what my
career is, they will pour out their stories even if breastfeeding
and/or babies isn't the immediate subject of the conversation.  I
have even been sitting in a large group, conversing with the person
next to me when someone in another part of the group, who has been
involved in her own conversation overhears my talking about what I
do.  She turns from the conversation she's been having and relates
how she did or didn't nurse and even feels it necessary to defend
why she didn't nurse!  It seems women carry the baggage of their
experiences for many many years!

Winnie

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