How can I say Thank You for all the responses, encouragement and support I
have received from Lactnet.  I want to start by saying that every time I
read a post about grief, having to acknowledge the loss of the
breastfeeding relationship, and the loss of the perfect child I hoped to
have, etc, I started crying.  So, as usual, you wise women were on to
something.

So I went to the marriage therapist I am seeing (to keep the stress from
all of this from destroying my marriage), and I started to talk about how
hard this has all been, how much I want to nurse him, how easy this is for
nursing mothers without syringes, and tubes, and pumps.  I was primed, I
felt like I was going to explode if I didn't cry and tell someone how hard
this has all been.

And as you may have guessed, she shut me up.  Told me that I can't see it
because I'm in the thick of things, but that Bobby (that's my son's name)
is doing so much better than when he left the hospital. Then she went on
toting the miracles of modern medicine, and how fortunate I am.  Well, slap
that lid back on the can of worms.  I stopped crying, thought about all you
wonderful women and your postings, and walked out of her office.  I'll find
a different person, thank you.

Anyway, you were so right that people in the lactation profession need to
hear the grief expressed time and time again in order for moms like myself
to get over it and be able to stop for those roses.

As far as the postings about ways to help Bobby relactate, I thanks you all
for your wonderful ideas and encouragement.  He does allow the sippy cup
spout in his mouth for a short period of time, though he doesn't close his
mouth around it, only when I am taking it out of his mouth.  It's as if he
is reluctant to shut his mouth knowing that if he does and any liquid comes
out, he would choke. He also just chews on it. In July and the preceding
months, he would let me express my milk right into his mouth, but he would
back away from my nipple in order to swallow, then open it again for more.
I was so excited, I guessed I pushed, he sensed the agenda and hasn't
allowed me to do that lately.  He has also since become proficient at
drinking from a cup which is less threatening, so he prefers that.

He has a diuretic in the morning, and the thirst drives him to try things
he wouldn't do normally any other time of day.  So though I don't want to
frustrate him, I might try some of your ideas when he has a bit of a
thirsty edge.  I will continue pumping until for some reason my body no
longer makes milk, (after pumping all this time, I'm still able to produce
~20 oz.) so until then, I see no harm in following his lead and offering it
to him in various, stress free ways.

There are many things I have learned from having a baby with so many needs,
but one of the most important is to treasure each moment and each person in
my life, even if they are "only" at the other end of a computer.  So though
I go internationally when I post this, I just wanted to say that you are
all wonderful people, I treasure all those cyber hugs, and I love you all.
Keep up your great work; every baby and mother out there needs your special
touch.

I hope I haven't pulled you all too far off topic, but I know I learned a
lot.  I will keep you posted on how things progress.  If anyone wants the
details of how he is doing, I send out updates every few month to all his
fans, so just send me your email address and I'll put you on the  list.

Many, Many thanks again, and thank you to the list moms for letting me post
my situation. I am proud to be part of this list community.

Trish and Bobby

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