Discussions from two Susans:

> Many years ago, someone somewhere was talking about spoiling babies.
> > Someone said something along the lines of, Food Spoils, Babies Don't.
>
> I love this quote Susan, I look forward to my next opportunity to offer
> this as a comeback next time someone says don't do  this or that or you
will
> spoil the baby.
>
> Now does anyone know a good comback line for "by doing that your making a
> rod for your back" ?

Like we have a special place for food (refrigerator), we have a special
place to protect baby (crib, car seat). They will be safe from physical
harm but not from emotional or psychological harm that may come from
non-response to his cries. Well, even prolonged hard crying can cause real
physical harm to baby's brain. Read Gene Cranston Anderson's research.

LLL used to say if you lose a little sleep over him now, while he's a baby,
you won't be losing sleep over him when he's a teenager. That means you
build good, trusting relationships now, from birth - or you don't build
them because you ignore his cries for attention. I would say the corollary
is, ignore him now, or build that rod in your back by steeling yourself
against his cries, and he will ignore you when he's a teenager (or sooner).
He will have built a steel rod in his own back to ignore your instruction,
your advice, your house rules of behavior, etc. because you have no
emotional ties. You (generic 'you') taught him how to ignore pleas for help
so why the surprise when he is non-responsive to you? He will also find it
difficult to make any relational ties with anyone.

How many times have we heard older people complain that their adult
children never call, never send birthday cards, never have time to come to
visit. The common (not so humorous) quip is: Be nice to your children for
they are the ones who will pick your nursing home!

No, I am not a psychologist. I'm a daughter, wife, mother, grandmother, &
former LLLL.


--- Phyllis Adamson, IBCLC, RLC
--- Glendale, AZ, USA
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