By request, this is a portion of an actual email I sent addressing night
waking in a child who previously "slept through the night" [that the parents
choose not to sleep with]


Well,  what can I tell you.  I guess Rose must be 8-9 months old, because
that's when kids do this [the first time, there will be other ages also].
She finally has come to the awareness that you guys still exist, even when
you are not around.  Developmentally that's a positive sign.   Now you guys
are her  "everything" - just because YOU know you wouldn't leave her and are
just in the next room doesn't mean SHE grasps that idea.

Different pediatricians have different ways of dealing with this.

For families that choose to have their children sleep in isolation, one
option [that I do not endorse] is the   "Let um cry it out" method.  If you
can stand it (and stand yourself afterwards) you let the child scream, cry,
vomit, etc. until they fall asleep on their own. For the kids this works
with, this takes several hours the first night, fewer hours the second night
and by the end of the week they reportedly go to sleep without a fuss.  You
don't go in at all, just let them cry and sleep in their own throw up.
-The thing that really doesn't sit well with me on this is it's a lot  like
punishment for an entirely reasonable developmental stage - and if you were
say a handicapped person and dependent on others for everything  how would
you feel if they didn't answer you?

Another method is the reassure them and let them cry in-between method.  Put
the child to bed say good night then go in [don't touch] after 5 min of
crying "reassure  - you're ok, we're in the next room" then leave and wait
10 mins of crying, then 15 mins then 20 mins, etc.

Another method is the chair method you sit a chair in the room  until the
child is asleep and each night you move it  closer to the door until it's
out in  the hall and finally you don't need it any more. Some children are
so fearful that parents need to start right next to the  bed with their hand
on the child.  It doesn't sound like Rose needs that - it just sounds like
she needs to learn that you're here, you haven't abandoned her, and if she
needs you you'll be around.

Once you get through this - you will - keep in mind that this will happen
again when she gets sick and is up all night, and in addition usually
happens at 1 1/2 years, 21/2 years and 4 years.

---- They chose the chair method and the nightwaking stopped in about 4 days
(she had also been teething).

Additionally, I usually tell parents "not to have a party" when their child
wakes during the night.  If the child's awakening is accompanied by lights
on, TV on, snacks for everybody, etc [a party] then it will continue. ( If
you had a party in my honor every night, I'd look forward to it to.)

Kathy, MD, makes a very good point:
"[doctors] probably tend to RESPOND to parental attitudes more than attempt
to MODIFY them. In the
20-30 minutes we can spend examining/counseling in a well-child visit, there
is alot to cover, and changing a parent's mind about cosleeping at that
point is difficult.  Not optimal, certainly, but our present reality."

You really need to meet people at their reality -whether that's attachment
parenting, or something just this side of hamster care and help them see
what their practical alternatives are.

Gail  Hertz,  MD,  IBCLC

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