Elisa - you wrote:
>Today I received a call from one of my clients asking how to deal with this
>situation. She is nursing her15 mo old twice a day while in the middle of a
>bitter divorce. Her attorneys have advised her to wean at once as she was
>told her ex could use the nursing issue as a factor which is keeping him from
>bonding with their baby, as it is something he is incapable of doing.
It sounds as if her lawyers need some education about breastfeeding, its
importance, current recommendations, and how breastfeeding can be protected
while the father's bond promoted.
This is a common myth - that breastfeeding prevents the father from having a
bond. And the legal cases clearly will not pick breastfeeding over a bond
with the father. The trick in protecting the brf. relationship is by
showing the court how the father's bond can be promoted. The courts
acknowledge that breastfeeding is best for the child, but the public policy
of many states seeks to protect the bond a child has with both parents.
It should rarely be necessary for a court to have to pick one over the
other. And the job of the mother and her attorney often should be showing
the court how this can be accomplished. Many mothers have trouble with this,
especially if they are angry at the baby's father. However, it is essential
to a mother's case that she not let her anger cloud her better judgment.
Anger is sufficient grounds to give custody to the other parent. Most
states are trying to find ways for children to have bonds with both parents
after they separate, and may give custody to the parent that will provide
good access and encouarge the kids to love and want to spend time with the
other parent.
With breastfeeding, Moms often do much better by offering significant
visitation to the father in a manner that avoids lengthy separations. When
I consult with parents, or their attorneys on what visitation is possible, I
look at what separations is the child accustomed to, how far apart the
parents live, what are their schedules, where does the child sleep, who else
takes care of the child, etc. - as many factors as I can, in determining how
Daddy can have a significant bond, while Mom's bond is not disrupted.
Keep in mind that it is extremely rare for a judge to put overnights off
past age 2, weekends past age 3, and week long visits till age 5. One can
always settle for better than is possible to get in court. I urge all
parents to seriously look at whether they can't work visitation issues out
among themselves. After all, they are stuck with each other for the rest of
their lives - not 18 as the lawyers say!!!
This mother might want to look at the article "Breastfeeding and Visitation"
in the new issue of LLLI"s New Beginnings (Jan/Feb 1996). Or up on the Web
are some other materials on breastfeeding and the law. One can find
information on divorce cases in "A Brief Summary of Breastfeeding and the
Law". Also, "Is Breastfeeding Really a Visitation Issue" from Mothering,
fall 1993, is up there. (www/prairienet.org/llli/lawmain) You can access
it through LLLI's Web page if necessary.
_______________________________________________________________
Elizabeth N. Baldwin, Esq. Baldwin & Friedman, P.A.
2020 N.E. 163rd St. # 300 N. Miami Beach, Fla. 33162-4970
Phone: 305-944-9100 Fax: 305-949-9029
[log in to unmask] http://www.parentsplace.com/shopping/esq/index.html
Breastfeeding and the Law: http://www.prairienet.org/llli/LawMain.html
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