-----Original Message-----
From: Fred and Ruth Fiedler [mailto:[log in to unmask]]
Sent: Tuesday, 2 April 2002 9:54 PM
To: [log in to unmask]
Cc: [log in to unmask]
Subject: Breastfeeding an older baby



Dear Trish

I know that my reply will be one of many.  I do not have any answers for
you.  I understand from Jack Newman that for a baby to return to the breast,
the breasts need to have a bountiful supply.  I do not know how much you are
expressing nor do I know the quanitity that he refers to.  Dr Jack has
written of an 8 month old returning to the breast but I know of none older.
This does not mean that it is impossible just that I have never heard of it
when it has been so long since suckling at the breast.  My own 3 yr child
returned to the breast after a 4 month break (he weaned when I was 5 months
pregnant with no 2 and began again when my milk come in for baby no 2).

I do understand that the breastfeeding relationship is a relationship that
is primarily dependant on the baby.  I am sure that your LC would confirm
that by far the most common reasons for a "failed" or "difficult"
breastfeeding relationship is 95% of the time a baby related problem.  Your
offering the breast when you see your baby wanting it is all you can do -
you have done everything and more.  It is up to the baby to respond.

The question that I hear you really seem to ask is whether you should
continue to offer the breast.  It really is a decision that only you can
answer.  Your longing to take the baby to the breast seems very strong.  The
other side of the coin is, "how do you feel about no longer offering the
breast?"  Before even tackling that question, I believe that you need
someone who you can grieve with over the lost relationship with your child.
It would seem to me that everything that could go wrong has gone wrong.  You
have struggled to find some sort of normality with your baby, and, I suspect
in the process, with your partner, family, friends and the health
professionals who you were in contact with. Do you feel that the desire to
breastfeed is your part of wanting what you see as a normal relationship?
If it is I do not blame you because I believe that many mothers who find the
hope of a peaceful bonding process stolen out from under them look for
something to do that is "normal" in their eyes for their baby and how much
more normal is breastfeeding.  Don't be surprise if you decide to go down
this path of resolving your grief if the answer you long for becomes evident
to you.

Trish, your perserverance is beyond reproach.  The way you have loved your
baby and given him the fluid of your soul to nuture, to feed and to sustain
him is of the highest order.  In todays world when separtation is
encouraged, non-attachment practised your example of undying love, of
commitment to family your story needs to be shared to give other mums hope.
The hope is this - even when your dreams are snatched out from under you,
with the right support and your own determination - your the living out of
those dreams may change but the final goal (in your case to give your child
the absolute best start in life) can be reached.  Whatever your decision
Trish, you have done the absolute best and I take my hat off to you in
admiration.

Kind regards
Another Mum

Ruth

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