I loved reading Barbara's post on weight gain. My second child took a
long time to regain her birth weight. Disregarding the facts that she
was a premie, that I was only allowed limited time in the NICU (it was
19 years ago), and that even after she came home, until her due date,
she slept 18 to 20 hours a day. It was inferred by the Ped. that
breastfeeding was the reason she wasn't gaining. Luckily I was a second
time mom and attending two LLL groups, I just ignored his opinion. With
#s 3 & 4, however, the 'situation' was worse. Not only did they not gain
back their birth weight 'fast enough' but at 12 months and beyond were
considered SWG children. In reality, what Barbara said concerning her
personal experience with weight gain, occurred. They gained well until 6
months, slowed a bit and by 12 months were almost at a stand still. It
was an extremely frustrating time for me, as I knew my pattern of
breastfeeding was not at fault. Then into #4s assessment of the
perceived 'problem,' a family practice MD hit on a factor not worked
into the chart - family history. Neither my husband nor I were big as
infants and children. Although we both started out relatively normal -
because of health problems (probably intensified by formula feeding) we
both dropped into the lower regions (I fell off the chart as did my #4
child). Factors such breastfeeding (or other feeding) styles and
genetics must also be taken into consideration before applying a
'diagnosis' that might interfere with breastfeeding and/or parenting.
      On Patricia's post about the openness, I agree wholeheartedly. I
learn and draw encouragement from all the information posted. When
having a bad day or wondering how to deal with a negative situation, it
helps to know that I am not alone, that others are also dealing with
negative people and situations. The ranting is in a sense necessary to
help release the frustration we feel, and where better to release that
frustration than with people who understand. Besides, my husband would
leave if he alone had to bear all my rantings and frustration!.
      I also agree that fear would inhibit us from offering all of the
options that we have learned throughout the years. Culturally what we
are supporting is viewed negatively, so many of our options, ideas and
techniques will also be viewed as such. Hopefully, we can overcome this
(or at least cope with it) so that we can continue to be a voice for the
helpless and vulnerable babies who benefit most from our advocacy.
     Two years ago I had a mother attack me and LLL for not providing
her with what she needed to have a good start to breastfeeding. I read
and re-read her letter, and even considered (momentarily) of quitting
because I felt useless. Then the rational Leader/Advocate in me stepped
in and I read the letter again from an objective standpoint. She had
totally disregarded occurrences,  meds,  hospital practices, and
comments of others that were negative and detrimental to a good start to
breastfeeding and was laying the blame at my door. I offered her an
appology and asked that she not blame LLL for my shortcomings and then I
had to condition myself to not take her comments personally. It helped
to realize that when in pain, we all are prone to lash out without
thinking the whole situation through clearly.
      I am sorry that this is so long, but we all face moments when what
we say and do, comes into question and we step back and assess how and
what to do next. We must remember not what we do, but why and for whom
we do this work. The babies are the most important varible in our
equation. Let us never forget that. It makes the work easier to do and
the critisim less hurtful.

Leslie Ward, LLL, AAPL
Vine Grove, KY (where the weather is finally what it should be!)
"I do not do great things, I do small things with great love." Mother
Theresa