Came across this 'letter' from a baby to their mum. It's so easy to read and
explains so clearly why a mum should listen to their baby's cry for food or
comfort or whatever. Thought that some of you might find it helpful.
Karleen Gribble
Australia

Dear Mom
by Linda Ann Smith
I'm only a baby, and to become emotionally well-adjusted later I need your
help!  Do you think it will hurt Dad's feelings that I asked you first?  I
hope not.  His love and care are very important to me too!
Mom, I already have a special relationship with you.  Before I was born, I
knew the warmth of your body, the rhythm of your heartbeat and the sound of
your voice.  Now a stronger bond with you will help me learn to trust others
for physical and emotional comfort.

When you see my sweet little face, can you imagine that later I could
develop severe behavior problems or even commit serious crimes?  Probably
not!  But if I fail to bond now I could develop an attachment disorder and
have difficulty with human relationships when I become and adult.  Failure
to bond with my parent(s) places me at high risk for growing into a
manipulative, controlling, "unattached child" without a conscience and with
extreme self-control problems.  We don't have any time to waste!  It's
important that I develop strong emotional attachments with my primary
caregiver within the first eighteen months of my life.

I could develop an attachment disorder if I experience abuse, neglect, or
poor parenting skills.  I need to trust you for comfort and won't understand
if you are not aware that I am in pain or why you cannot always stop my
pain.  Attachment problems could arise if our bonding cycle is interrupted
due to illness, hospitalization, divorce, or death.  It can be dangerous for
me to experience numerous changes in childcare, or an "emotionally absent"
mother due to chronic maternal depression, drug abuse, or a severe
psychiatric disorder.  Gee, Mom, that's a lot of responsibility for you, but
don't get disouraged.

Healthy bonding is simple.  My part is to cry when I'm hungry,
uncomfortable, or in pain.  Every time I cry, I have a need.  It may be a
physical or an emotional need, but it is a need.  Your part is to soothe me
with eye-contact, touch, motion, or food so I'll learn to trust you.  If my
parents want me to understand that I can trust them, they must respond each
time I cry.  Some people will say that you are spoiling me.  Please don't
listen!

Experts agree that I cannot be spoiled during my first two years of life.
Every time you comfort me when I cry, I'll learn to trust you and our bond
will grow stronger.  When you respond to my cries over and over without
interruption, I will learn that my enviroment is safe.

How will you know if I am forming healthy attachments?  You'll recognize
when I cry and you meet my needs, that I can be soothed.  dI'll gradually
stop crying.  I will enjoy close contact, cuddling and playing.  I'll smile,
chortle, giggle and seem happy.  My eyes will seek faces, especially yours,
Mom, and I'll fixate on your eyes.  I'll have a strong sucking response and
watch your face while nursing.  Though I may display a variety of emotions,
including anger and sadness, I'll seem "normal" and glow with enthusiasm for
life.

Do you hear a baby crying?  That's me!  I'm just telling you that I want to
get started on our bonding cycle right now!

Love,
Baby

http://www.tulsatoday.com/attachment.htm

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