>I think that using the expression "nipple confusion" can be more 
>helpful to the mother, rather than "nipple preference" or "breast 
>rejection." Mothers whose babies won't suckle at the breast 
>(especially if the baby will eagerly and happily take a bottle) 
>often feel hurt and rejected, and suggesting that the baby "prefers" 
>the bottle or the fast flow from the bottle can make her feel worse. 
>I hear it from mothers all the time - the baby preferred the bottle, 
>I wanted to give him what he wants. It seems like a kinder, more 
>nurturing thing to do.
>
>What I try to say is that "your baby really does want to breastfeed. 
>He's just confused at the moment - it seems easier to get milk from 
>the bottle (or cup for that matter) right now and we need to work on 
>things so he'll be able to get milk just as efficiently from you. 
>And then he'll get all the other good things about breastfeeding 
>that he wants, too."
>
>Confusion is easier for many mothers to work with than preference. 
>And I think it's true - the baby really does want to breastfeed, or 
>would if he understood all the ramifications.
>
Teresa Pitman



I agree that presenting the message to the mother in the right way is 
crucial to her confidence.

But I never use 'your baby is confused' *or* 'your baby prefers the 
bottle'....never.  Both those phrases are potentially demoralising. 
Fortunately, I don't have to use either!

I want to be honest and open with the mother (in fact, ethically, 
this is the way NCT bfcs train, using person-centred counselling, to 
be 'congruent' with the mother).

So I explain - 'sometimes, when there have been challenges with 
breastfeeding, we have to lure the baby back to the breast, so he 
remembers what a good and lovely place this is to be. At the moment, 
he's not had the chance to do that, so you can help him by doing x, 
y, z....' These are mothers who are often already feeling rejected 
because the baby fights the breast. They already 'know' the baby 
'prefers' the bottle - I purposefully don't echo those feelings with 
my words. Instead,  I give them strategies, and support,  and I hope 
confidence, that they can retrieve the relationship they hoped for.

With some mothers, you can explore in detail what happened. Often, 
there's a history of very hands-on pushing of the baby and grabbing 
of the breast, and the baby 'switches off' and refuses to feed. This 
is not the mother's fault - she may be helped by understanding what 
happened to lead her and her baby to the situation they are in now.

In fact, I'd probably use similar words to you, Teresa, in your 
second paragraph. I'd just miss out the words about being confused :)

Because I really think it's not accurate.

Heather Welford Neil
NCT bfc, tutor, UK

             ***********************************************

Archives: http://community.lsoft.com/archives/LACTNET.html
To reach list owners: [log in to unmask]
Mail all list management commands to: [log in to unmask]
COMMANDS:
1. To temporarily stop your subscription write in the body of an email: set lactnet nomail
2. To start it again: set lactnet mail
3. To unsubscribe: unsubscribe lactnet
4. To get a comprehensive list of rules and directions: get lactnet welcome