Dear Editors,
        In your current issue, in the article "Siblings Without Rivalry,"
readers who are having another baby when their first is 10-18 months old are
advised the following: "If you're still nursing, plan to wean your first
child at least a couple of months before the second child comes along."

I feel compelled to make several comments about this.  First, if a mother is
breastfeeding a baby under six months of age, chances are extremely good
that she will not become pregnant again.  Suppression of maternal fecundity
is one of the many benefits of breastfeeding to the mother.  Women nursing
on cue and co-sleeping with their baby so s/he can nurse often at night --
which is normal and natural and the safest place for the baby to be -- often
will not experience the return of their fecundity until their child is a
year of age or even older.  It is common for women to experience 1-2+ years
of lactational subfecunditiy if nursing often, especially at night. Thus, it
will be the rare breastfeeding mother who is having another baby when the
first one is only 10-18 months old.  If the mother's fecundity has returned
early, then she should be advised to use an alternate form of birth control,
to ensure that she can breastfeed her older child for at least the minimum
of 12 months recommended by the American Academy of Pediatrics.

Second, it is not necessary to wean the older child, of any age, just
because you are pregnant again.  As long as mom is in good health and
doesn't mind the older child continuing to nurse, there is no medical reason
to wean.  Many mothers nurse through a subsequent pregnancy and then tandem
nurse the toddler with the newborn.  Some mothers wean for a few months
during the pregnancy, but then tandem nurse both children once the newborn
has arrived.  Women who tandem nurse report that the shared experience of
breastfeeding together *greatly cuts down sibling rivalry* -- which was
supposed to be the focus of your article.

Third, since humans are designed evolutionarily to be breastfed for at least
2.5-3.0 years as a minimum, with many indicators suggesting 5-6 years of
breastfeeding as the species norm, it is clear that they are not designed to
be sharing parental attention when they are still quite young.  Most sibling
rivalry is the result of having children too close together, as parents
really don't have enough time, energy, and resources to meet the needs of
more than one young child on a consistent basis.  If more women were
encouraged to space their children at least 3-4 years apart, they would find
sibling rivalry was not much of an issue.  It is similar to the situation of
nursing through toddlerhood and beyond -- parents report very few tantrums
or "terrible twos" issues, few sleep problems, less separation anxiety, less
reliance on pacifiers and "blankies" and generally healthier kids.

Humans, as a species, are designed to be having children every 6-7-8 years,
not every 1-2-3 years.  The closer a family can approximate the species
norm, the less sibling rivalry they will have to deal with.  By the time a
new baby joins the family, the older child will be in school much of the
day, and quite independent, able to amuse themselves (by reading, for
example) and much better able to take care of their own needs (can get
themselves water or juice, or a snack, can go to the bathroom by themselves,
etc.) than a 10-18 month old would be.  Wider spacing also allows the older
siblings to gain valuable knowledge and experience in how parenting works,
by watching and helping their parents take care of a younger sibling.  They
learn first-hand how much time and effort babies require.  And added bonus
for the parents, of course, is not having two in college at the same time.

I'd be happy to write a piece for you on "Cutting down sibling rivalry by
spacing your kids farther apart."

Katherine A. Dettwyler, Ph.D.
Associate Professor of Anthropology and Nutrition
Texas A&M University
http://www.prairienet.org/laleche/dettwyler.html
(409) 845-5256/695-1275

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