Yesterday I posted a bit about the differences in cultural values between
Americans, Japanese and Arabs as defined by a group of businessmen. I don't
know the genesis of the sheet of paper I have; Bob and I got it at a course we
are attending at Wheaton College. Anyway, they listed 20 values for each,
attempting to place them in priority. I was wrong about the Japanese and
family values -- not listed per say. But for what it is worth, here are the first
10 on each list:
Americans: Freedom, independence, self-reliance, equality, individualism,
competition, efficiency, time, directness, openness. For the Japanese:
Belonging, group harmony, collectiveness, age/seniority, group consensus,
cooperation, quality, patience, indirectness, go-between. For the Arabs: Family
security, family harmony, parental guidance, age authority, compromise,
devotion, patience, indirectness, and hospitality.
Looking at the list for Americans, is it any wonder we, as a culture, prize
bottle feeding, separate and early sleep, strollers, the ubiquitous "bucket",
and making our children as independent as possible as quickly as possible.
Yesterday I saw a mom whose baby is "nursing 24 times in 24 hours." The
baby is 2 1/2 weeks old, and will breastfeed for about 5 minutes, fall asleep,
and then cry to be fed again soon after mom puts her down in her swing or her
bouncy seat. Mom is exhausted and can't get anything done. When she was
here, she breastfed for about 5 minutes and came off looking content. I weighed
her -- she took 40 ml at the breast, went back on for a minute or two, and
then came off again. I had mom snuggle her on her chest where the baby slept
soundly for the rest of the hour + she was with me. "I don't want her to get
used to this" the mom said. "I can't be holding her all the time." Now,
the baby has gained 9 ounces in 4 days, is 1 1/2 pounds over birth weight and I
think has figured out that the only way her mother will hold her is if she
asks to be fed. "All my other friends breastfeed for a few minutes and their
babies sleep for 3 hours. Why doesn't mine?" "She won't sleep in her crib,
so she's in our bed, but I have the Boppy around her head so she can't see
me." "I don't want to set up bad habits."
This mom needed a lot of correct parenting information. She had read the
Baby Whisperer who said she was supposed to breastfeed, then keep the baby
awake with an activity (doing puzzles? Working with play doh?), then put her in
her crib awake, so mom can have ME time.
Isn't that what it is all about? Having ME time.
My primary advice to her was that she needed to allow her baby to be a baby
gorilla (thanks to whoever said that the other day), and *wear* her baby
after feeds, not put her in a bucket or swing.
She looked dubious -- we'll see what happens.
Jan Barger, RN, MA, IBCLC
_Lactation Education Consultants_
(http://www.lactationeducationconsultants.com/)
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