Oops - thought I sent this to the list, but didn't. It was written *before*
my other, longer, harangue on the same subject:

From Phyllis: "Reality for her is "all the time", like baby is a permanent
chest appendage, at times to the point of not being able to use the commode
without baby crying from separation anxiety, and not being able to take a
shower until Dad gets home at +/- 6pm. "Other" babies don't do this, she
thinks, and wants to know what she's doing wrong."

I guess a big part of what we do is try to help these moms learn and accept
that (baby's physical, developmental, emotional signs all being positive, of
course), for some babies and some moms, yes, THIS IS NORMAL! And help them
learn to go to the john *with* the baby attached, if that's what it takes,
or figure out how to find what will work for them. So that they aren't
feeling abused & harassed by this little person's needs, and so that the
baby is able to get the message that his mother really *isn't* just trying
to shake him off all the time. Because of course the baby is right in the
messages he's getting, and his "cling tighter" response is one (and by the
far the most adaptive!) of only 2 responses available to him (the other one
being to withdraw and give up - and we've all seen how terrible that is, and
how very much healthier most babies' fighting to stay close is).

Remember Harry Harlow and his monkeys!

Cathy Bargar RN IBCLC Ithaca NY

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