i am not particularly anxious to see the subject of ferber take up space on
lactnet again, especially having just helped a family whose life with two
children has been hideous and miserable for over three years because of these
theories. however, seeing it posted again has given me a radical idea.

there aren't many other areas in parenting in which we would cut the parents a
lot of slack because of their inability to adapt, as mentioned in denise's
post. for instance, because of your western beliefs about personal privacy and
independence, we will be understanding if you go out and leave your baby at
home alone for selected periods of time, because of course you can't be
expected to change your life to meet the safety needs of the child, which are
probably exaggerated. surely your baby can be taught to call 911?

so my idea is this. instead of developing an elaborate system to make ferber
"safe," i.e., making sure the baby receives adequate nutrition, can't strangle
on bedclothes when left to cry alone, is in good enough health to handle the
physical stress of abandonment - let's just suggest that parents who cannot
handle the intensities of the parenting style that we believe is best for
babies should receive psychotherapy.

 they would also be required to take attachment parenting training.  in this
way they could learn to deal with why they would be capable of leaving a baby
to cry, alone, in the dark (probably because they were raised that way, at
least in america), and they could learn enough about their baby to understand
what this child needs.

sorry to be blunt, but i am still feeling shocked at how the last set of
parents were swindled out of the beauties of babyhood with TWO children by
this ferber stuff. and of two little girls who may find the fallout of
insecure bonding affecting the rest of their lives.

carol b.