Dearest Pat, (And all of us who feel like she does)

Believe me, I understand how you feel, and I am only a CLE who has been in
the field barely 2 yrs.  It is amazing to me that as soon as BF is going well
after a myriad of problems moms suddenly quit.  It is almost as if they
realize that ""YEAH"  I did it!  Now I don't have to anymore. So I'll quit
and make my life easier."  ???  Makes no sense to me ('specially since I went
through almost 4 mo of HELL to BF my youngest, who is still BF today at 28
mo, while I am 9 mo pregnant).  WHy work so hard to accomplish something just
to throw it away once you have accomplished it?

I really don't think we can blame ourselves for a mothers "failure" or desire
to quit BF.  It isn't our choice what she does, it is hers.  If she has the
commitment, she will BF come Hell or high water regardless of what else is
going on.  SOme women think they have the commitment, but then can't tell
their unsupportive family to bug off until they get their problems resolved,
and end up quitting (and feeling guilty) because of pressure.  Some women
have hubbys who are jealous of the BF relationship and are absolute
*&$^&*$#'s to their wives until the woman stops BF.  Then they are nice
again.  (Power games, aren't they great?)
I think what we need to do here, is just do the best we can with these moms,
and when they have made their choice, accept that it is their choice, and go
on to the next mom and baby pair.  Give all the encouragement and support you
can, and grieve for the loss of the BF relationship when it doesn't work out
the way we know it can.  We have a really hard job to do.  Many societies
around the world are not supportive of BF and the mothers get a lot of either
conflicting advice, or in the case of Kathy B.s mom, NO advice either way.
 Or worse yet, are told to "quit that BF, and just formula feed.  It's all
the same anyway."  .  With the social influences out there against BF both in
public and private, and the advertising garbage sent out by the ABM
compainies (like the one I got in the mail for the young mother who used to
live here) that tell people how great their product is and how it is so
similar to breastmilk, and give lip service to BF (2 whole paragraphs in a
full magazine!  Another post...), it is no wonder that these mothers don't
fully realize just how severe the repercussions to formula feeding are
especially when they could have had it all and were wll on their way to
successful BF.
What kills me is the moms who would give anything to BF and can't due to lack
of glandular tissue (worked with a mom who had SNS fed 6 babies because she
desperately wanted to BF, but could only produce drops of breastmilk.  True
Insufficient Glandualr tissue case here, and fascinating, tho sad), or
BCancer, chemo, or whatever medical reason.  They feel guilty because they
can't BF, even tho it is totally out of their control.  ANd then we have the
moms who have great supplies who dry up deliberately because "Formula is just
as good.  My Dr said so" or some other dumb reason.

So Pat, and others, don't blame yourselves for these moms failures when you
know that you have done all that you could and they were close to success but
just gave up.  It is the moms responsibility, not yours.  And give yourself
credit for helping that baby (those babies) get more breastmilk than they
would have if you hadn't been there at all!

TAke care all!
Jay
Who grieves when her moms quit, and parties when they succeed!