Hi, folks. Couldn't resist launching in on this one, either....!

My son slept through the night at about 6 weeks or so, I think. No big deal. He
was an easy baby to mother. Then came my daughter. After an awful 9 months of
pregnancy, a wonderful birth, and a nightmare bleeding episode (mine, that is)
that meant a 9 hour separation after birth, Merrilee was wired from the get-go.
(Perhaps none of that was related to her temperment. My folks just laugh and say
I am "getting my remorsal"!!)

Anyway, she "refused" to sleep through the night. I would get up with her and
rock her and nurse her and put her down, go to bed, only to do it again 2-4 more
times a night. People kept telling me to let her scream a night or two and that
would take care of it. We tried one night out of desparation and the poor kid
just screamed bloody murder. I couldn't take it so I went and got her and we
both sat and cried together. Since I was convinced that she SHOULD be sleeping
through the night, I spent a lot of nights angry that I was awake. Finally, at
about a year, I decided to attend my first LLL meeting. I was amazed to hear
many moms talking about how often their babies nursed that night and in such
accepting tones. I also discovered Dr. William Sears' books, Nighttime
Parenting, and The Fussy Baby. It was wonderful to hear that my gut instincts
were right and that IF she was crying in the night, then she was NEEDING
something, and even if I couldn't figure out exactly what that was, she didn't
have to cry alone. That was such a startling revelation to me. I began willingly
nursing her at night (and really wish I had heard about the family bed years
before....). We both went back to sleep so much quicker. I'd like to say that
because of that change in attitude, she began sleeping through the night.
Actually she was 4 when she finally started sleeping all night long. (I can't
remember whether she wanted to nurse at night all that time or not...)
Ironically, it was her "sleeping" habits that are responsible for me being an
LLL Leader/LC today!

20/20 did a show on Ferberizing a few years ago that showed a couple dealing
with an 18? month old who wouldn't just lay down and go to sleep. The camera
followed both the baby and the parents as they tried letting him scream and then
had Dr. Ferber analyze the video afterwards. Mom during this time was sitting on
her bed rocking back and forth, obviously having trouble coping with her son's
screaming. Baby finally did go to sleep, after what Dr. Ferber labeled
"arranging his sleep space" by putting his stuffed animals in one corner of the
crib. To me, it appeared as if Baby was just tossing his toys in anger. Who
could blame him?

I wrote a hate letter to the show, and got about 20 signatures on it from other
LLL Leaders in my area (though we didn't acknowledge that in the letter!). A few
weeks later I got a call from one of the producers who was considering doing a
followup show on the family bed. They were looking for a place to film the show,
and figured that since I had 20 signatures that there must be a group all in one
area that they could film. So she wanted to know which of the signers had kids
in their beds--especially older kids. I told her I really didn't know, that we
were all comfortable enough with the idea and with each other that we didn't
feel the need to take a poll every time we got together to see who was still
sleeping with their kids. I think she was disappointed that I couldn't (not to
mention wouldn't) tell her who had teens still sleeping in the parents' beds and
I suppose participating in everything that might go on there.... So they went
elsewhere and ended up filming some of Dr. Sears' patients.

I do not understand why parents are so willing to do things to their kids that
they would NOT stand to have done to them. I don't understand why parents will
listen to "experts" who tell them to do things that go against everything their
gut tells them to do.

One footnote to the person who asked about older kids.... Merrilee is now 8 and
sleeps through the night with no problems. Both my kids go to bed without fuss
or bother or bribe. What was once a very dependent, wired kid is now a  very
independent, wired kid.....  I have to wonder what she would have been like if I
chose to ignore her need for me in the middle of the night. I cannot believe it
would have been a change for the better.

Okay. I promise to ignore any other buttons that get inadvertantly pushed on
here for at least a while. :-)

Melissa Vickers, IBCLC
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