Bless you, Jeanette. I agree with you 100%. As the target of the Lactnet 
Facebook flaming, my first inclination was to respond calmly, which I 
did for two full days (I'm just a little slow!) before I realized that 
those on the attack were not the slightest bit interested in what I had 
to say. (My youngest son, a millenial, gave me wise counsel on this.) By 
then I understood it was pointless for me to keep the thread going. In 
hindsight, like you, I think my best bet would have been to simply not 
respond at all and try to engage those few flamers one-on-one, although 
I'm not sure how that would work when it's impossible to talk face to face.

When I wrote my blog post, I had no idea it would be so polarizing. What 
concerns me most about this experience is that it appears that dialogue 
and debate about this issue is not acceptable to what I would call the 
"vocal minority." While I was being pounded on FB by a small group 
(about 5 people in total), I received many emails and private messages 
from others around the world expressing dismay at the behavior of my 
flamers and telling me that they agreed with my post. Many of those who 
wrote privately are the people I respect most in our field. While a 
brave few (thank you Pamela Morrison!) spoke up within the Facebook 
thread, most said explicitly that they would not make their views public 
because they wanted to avoid becoming targets of this vocal minority.

In other words, any real professional discussion about this issue was 
successfully squashed by the behavior of the flamers, which seemed to be 
their intent. And that is my biggest concern.

Because the books I write cover all lactation-related topics, when I 
need guidance, I've learned to consult the real experts in each area. 
When I spoke to the person I trust most about tongue tie (and yes, she 
is actively involved in the IATP), she told me that she agreed with my 
post and is very concerned about the point of view and tactics of the 
flamers. Where does that leave us? What should we do when those in our 
field are afraid to speak up on a controversial topic? Any thoughts?

Warm regards,
Nancy Mohrbacher, IBCLC, FILCA
Chicago suburbs
www.NancyMohrbacher.com <http://www.nancymohrbacher.com/>


I of course agree that flaming has no place in our group - or any other professional group.  Frankly, in society as a whole!

However, I have to admit that my exposure to so many different situations in the many years I've been on Lactnet has given me a new ability - to stay "cool" under fire, to "listen" and not necessarily respond right away, to take aside and speak (write) directly to the person rather than flaming back...  As someone who would have withered and cried and left the room/facebook/group years ago, I have developed not a "thick skin" but a tolerance to people whose ideas may be different from mine.

Recently I was flamed in public after a talk I gave.  I stayed cool, listened as many spoke against what I had said, finally heard one or two supporters, then the talks went on without my choosing (even though given repeated opportunities to do so) to respond.  Later on in the day, I approached the "lead flamer" with a quiet voice, asking if we could talk, we did, and she heard what she had not really "heard" when I had spoken before, because she was so upset about my topic (BOTTLEfeeding to support breastfeeding).

We were able to speak civilly to each other, and she even admitted she was now realizing that I may have had a point!  The next day we were "friends" while the rest of the audience was amazed!

If it had not been for my exposure to Lactnet, which gave me the opportunity to observe various options, "practice" what I would have done/said if the "flame" would have been addressed at me, I think this encounter would have had a totally different outcome.

So this may be "making lemonade out of lemons", but we can still learn from situations that make us upset, angry or uncomfortable...











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