I've been teaching Peer Counselors And medical students this week...so I thought I'd suggest we all take a DEEP BREATH and remember COUNSELING SKILLS even when writing on Lactnet.  

This means - when we "hear" a comment - be aware of our own emotional response - own it - and deal with it...but not with the writer - with ourselves!

ASK questions rather than "educate" right away - and the questions need to be phrased carefully when in writing, so I suggest you write them - save it in a draft - and then re-read them, even out loud, before hitting "send"

Validate the feelings you hear - know that everyone is working hard.  For example when I hear a mom say "I breastfeed for two WEEKS" (like it's AMAZING) - I have to reflect back her feelings "it sounds like you feel you were able to do great things for your baby" rather than "WHAT - ONLY TWO WEEKS - you never got to the "good part" (which is what I'm thinking)...

THEN we provide targeted education - because it IS important for us to remember:
 - the sales rep is the SALES rep, not our friend
 - breast MILK feeding is not breastfeeding
 - everyone has different work situations and we are all trying to do the best we can.

Sometimes we have to look back and say "Oh, I sure didn't handle THAT right!" - It took 45 minutes out of my last Peer Counselor class last Saturday as I stood in front of these wonderful 24 women who had sat through SIX 5-hour Saturday sessions and I confessed "last week, I did NOT handle a dialogue held between two of you in the best way - and we talk about it and learn from my blooper - what could I have done better?"

Lactnet is a great community - with a variety of personalities and cultures - let's be as respectful as we would in making a home visit (i.e. give each other "personal space" and be aware of the different interpretations that words can mean, etc.)...

Jeanette Panchula, BSW, RN, PHN, IBCLC
Vacaville, CA

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