There was an article a few years back about babies dying in Japan, they were
called "silent babies." Highly sought after, they didn't make a peep. Sat in
their rock-a-roos, and slowly died. Parents liked them (well, until the baby
died) because they were quiet and undemanding.
One huge generalization is that many of the mothers of "high needs" babies
seem (to me) to prefer to not have to deal with the baby as much as the baby
would like. Again, that is a generalization, but there have been cases
presented to me where the baby has a flat head from sitting in a car seat
all day, and the mother complains that the baby "won't stop crying." They
term their infant a "high need" baby, when actually they have a normal baby
whose needs are being ignored. (like the mother who came to me with a
"high-need" failure to thrive baby, and the mother would only nurse every
4-5 hours, despite the baby crying all the time and documented weight loss.
Mother finally realized that while she felt breastfeeding was "gross," her
baby needed to be fed, so they finally started him on formula at 5 months.
Today, this child is 5 years old, and I would not term his ability to get
along with others to be normal).
Part of this can be blamed on advertising, where "normal" appears to be the
baby who is content to lay in a crib and watch mobiles all day, that's what
a magazine baby does. TV babies don't ever have needs, they're happily
laying in a crib, or happily sitting in a car seat. If they make a peep, it
is because they are a "demanding, high-need" baby.
So, perhaps, the focus of the public is what is at fault. The concentration
of many babies in day care who "need to" stay quiet and placid in their
seats plays into the factorials, as well. Although the staff:infant ratio is
supposed to be no more than 8 infants at a ratio of 1 staff per 4 infants,
that's exhausting. Considering many people in these positions are not paid
big dollars, and the turnover is rapid, it's a bonus if a mother brings in a
silent baby. Staff encourages the mother/parents to keep the baby silent,
either directly, or indirectly. Most babies in the US are in a form of day
care, during some point of infancy.
Looking at the big picture, there are lots of clues. The mother's ability to
cope, the baby's true temperament and needs, the caregiver situation,
friends and family. And, yes, allergies and sensitivities.
I thought my eldest was a high-needs baby. Turned out he was sensitive to
milk, and needed to be held more than I realized (I thought babies were
supposed to like the crib...). Thought my second baby was high-needs. Turned
out she preferred the outdoors (at 15, she still does). By my third, he
lived in a sling, and I didn't have time to think about anything. Worked
well for my fourth, too. Interesting how society gave me different thoughts
on my babies' personalities, and how I finally figured out they were normal.
Best wishes,
Sam Doak
We're going to Candy Mountain, Charlie!
<<
>
>Actually there is some evidence from the developing world that high
>need or demanding babies are more likely to survive than their more
>placid counterparts in situations when their families find
>themselves in stressful situations like conflict, famine, natural
>disaster. I'll try to find the reference.
>Cheers
>Nina Berry
>Australia
>>
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