Amen Mary!!
-----Original Message-----
From: Lactation Information and Discussion
[mailto:[log in to unmask]] On Behalf Of Mary Jozwiak BS, IBCLC,
RLC
Sent: Monday, July 14, 2008 2:13 PM
To: [log in to unmask]
Subject: Re: Wine and breastfeeding a 6 month old.
Wow! I have to be honest. It sounds like this mom needs to get herself a
new "babysitter." What she has on her hands sounds like the classic "I did
this
all for YOU." While really meaning, "I'd like to get my hooks on that baby,
and
will do about anything to discredit you as a mother to do so."
I tell my clients, women who come to classes, LLL meetings and Net
Groups "Never, ever accept "free" baby sitting from a family member,
especially
a MIL or even your own Mom. Especially if your parenting is at odds with
what
she "knows" to be "right" based on 'what we did then."
I've seen so called "altruistic baby sitters" giving solids to 2 wk olds,
throwing
out Mom's milk and using the "cleaner" stuff in a can, searching through
cabinets, checkbooks, bank statements, and letting babies CIO because "Mom
is spoiling you." UG. Few people are this "altruistic" and suddenly turn
this
judgemental in such a short period of time. Sounds like Grandma doesn't like
the way the baby is being parented and is "doing something about it."
I think we have all seen this more times than we care to count. My guess,
this
problem has NOTHING to do with the wine. And everything to do with Control
of who is in charge of the Baby.
Mom and Dad need to make some immediate, drastic changes. If Mom needs
to "work" pay a real sitter. If she "can't afford" that, she may need to
rethink
her priorities ASAP concerning what she needs to do, and who should be
taking care of her child. Even if this "wine thing" (which I don't think is
a big
deal at all, it doesn't even sound like that much alcohol, especially if Mom
and
Dad are having a glass or two in the evening) My guess, even with this wine
thing cleared up (let me guess, Grandma "couldn't" breastfeed for some
reason?) she will come up with one thing after an other, until Mom loses it.
Does the Mother of this child KNOW her MIL is talking to people about HER
private life. The OP has "permission" from, I assume, the Grandma, what
about
the Mother in question in the first place? I think proper protocol (or at
least
kindness) would be to perhaps contact the Mother of the Infant and simply
let
her know her privacy has been breached. (I rarely call mothers cold, but in
a
case like this? It's different.)
I've had calls from "worried" grandmothers about everything from mom having
a
few drinks, to "That baby is in their bed at night!" (maybe thinking I would
be
upset?) to "That child is too old to be at the breast." (Baby was only 8
months
old, one time.) to one ready to call CPS because the mother was taking a
drug
which Hale considers L1. (Had to become very clinical and very serious, and
very specific language on what I would and could do, when after explaining
to
Grandma that the drug was not a concern, she persisted with "But why take
the chance? Maybe I'll just give the baby 'regular" milk to be on the safe
side."
Sheesh.)
Sorry to get so upset. My empathy is with the parents and the Baby. Send
Grandma packing, IMO. She'll find something else to tattle about, if this is
settled, with no end.
Mary Jozwiak IBCLC, RLC, LLLL
Private Practice
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