----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Nikki Lee" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Wednesday, May 07, 2008 1:48 PM
Subject: [LACTNET] doulas and breastfeeding


> Dear Friends:

**Hi Nikki,

> It has been a shock to
> discover that my efforts have been treated  disrespectfully. The poor 
> mother is
> caught between two people that she has hired  to help her.

**I do not *at all* doubt your competence with regard to breastfeeding. I'm 
sure you are right on this one.
Then again... just the other day I spoke to my best friend about paradigm 
change. Google with 'old and young woman' and find the picture I mean. I 
showed him the picture and asked him what he saw. He saw and old woman and 
even with my help, at first he could not manage to see the young one. He 
did, after a while, and was surprised.
Applying that phenomenon to this situation, I was thinking of peds or 
ob/gyns or childbed nurses, who say: "I clearly instructed the mother about 
bf, but the bf volunteer/lc came by and blew my policy away. It was clear to 
see, that this mother could not breastfeed/was too tired/had to 
supplement/etc."
Will they also experience a shock...? Let me be clear: I'm in no way 
critisizing you, Nikki; it just occurred to me how we can all end up in 
situations where we draw conclusions based upon the wrong perception. I find 
this a fascinating mechanism. Is the other person angry or just impressed? 
Is s/he jealous or insecure? Is s/he reluctant to learn or afraid not to be 
able to catch up? And so on and so forth.

It is not always easy to find the right way to approach the other person and 
clear the matter, get back to seeing both sides of the medal or the positive 
instead of the negative one. Sometimes that is simply because we ourselves 
are impressed/insecure/afraid to lack knowledge. Cherishing a willing 
attitude towards learning is probably the only way out...

Warmly,

Marianne Vanderveen, Netherlands 

             ***********************************************

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