I share your ambivalence, but wonder if that's because there are two 
different things being discussed.

1)  Should we/I/you/anyone try and persuade another what to do, if we 
have not been asked to do so?

2)  Should we/I/you/anyone take responsibility for ensuring anyone 
else's choice's are informed choices?

I think 1) is pretty firmly a 'no'.  I think 2) is pretty firmly a 'yes'. 

'Yes' on 2 is as much to do with what defines us as a society, as 
anything else - are we just a collection of individuals, or is there 
shared responsibilty?

One of the issues I think is pretty clear - are around the risks of 
formula.  We can say that most women know about the 'facts' of 
breastmilk - but do they know the 'risks' of formula?  The answer on 
that is usually 'no'.  The may know that breastmilk has 'benefits' but 
do they know that formula sometimes contains deadly bacteria, kills 
vital gut flora and is made of cow's milk that can trigger allergies and 
cause gut problems?  And most women don't know that, as that poor 
Belgium mother found out to her ultimate cost: the loss of her newborn.

So there is a range of questions here - and as a society, we do have to 
take responsibiity for alerting others to risks they are unaware of.  
Where, and when, and how this is done, is open to all those other 
factors - who the person is, where they are in their own journey, who 
you are to them - but that's about a decision that it's not appropriate 
to tell them _now_, not that it's not appropriate to tell them at all.  
We're not omniscient, and we can't always know when the right time to 
say it is - and by that, I mean the time to say it when it will be 
heard.  (Heaven knows, we've all been told things we don't want to hear 
by complete strangers out shopping!  The issue there is the inability of 
the other person to recognise boundaries!).  We also cannot solely carry 
this responsibility - it is shared, so it's not up to us to do it to 
everyone, all the time: we require everyone to share the load, and 
protect us from feeling the responsibilty too keenly.

But telling people of the dangers of formula is a cultural timebomb, as 
we're going against hegemony and 'common sense' (if that was so, more 
babies would be ill) and it's interlinked to the status of women, and 
babies, in our society.  And profits on a huge scale.  The level of 
magnitude on how difficult it is to broach it is as much to do with the 
culture, as the mother and the mother's relationship with you: which is 
why the information needs to be shared on a cultural level.

So there are places were it's common to know you _should_ be saying 
something, but realise it'd not do any good, and therefore you choose 
not to, in hope it will be better picked up later down the line, or in 
another form.  Or where you spend the time trying to work out _how_ to 
tell them in a way that's respectful of them as individuals - again, you 
can decide it's Just Not Possible given the constraints.  Or where you 
put your energies into doing it via cultural means, and always decide 
not to on a personal level.

But that's not the same as saying you should never consider it the right 
thing to do: it is the right thing to do, in a society, to take 
responsibiity for everyone's level of awareness and understanding of 
risks.  Everyone has a right to choose their own path as long as it 
doesn't harm or constrain others, and we don't have a right to dictate 
what that path may be: but everyone has a right to an _informed_ choice 
on that.

Formula feeding mothers have a right to informed choice.  Which means 
they have a right to information.  As an individual member of society, 
an everyday human being, I feel we do have an expectation upon us, to 
make that information available to all wherever appropriate.  How they 
then choose to act with their Informed Choice, is up to them.

Informed Choices Only!  I.C.O.   I think I'm going to put it on a badge 
(button)! 

Morgan Gallagher


[log in to unmask] wrote:
>  At work, if there is a bottle mom  on the chalkboard, I 
> don't go in and try to "convince" her to bf. But if she is  undecided, or has a 
> preemie, I definitely go in and discuss it a small  bit.  Sometimes it's a long 
> conversation, many times it is quick and  pointed.  But, I have a 
> responsibility not just because I know it's better,  but because (well it is) but I think 
> all parents should be informed of risks of  all procedures etc and formula 
> goes right along with that.  

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