> The mother felt unable to do much of this, as 'I just have too many
> other things I have to do, and my husband just wants me to put her on
> the bottle and won't help.'
>
> I felt so sad for her.
>
I feel very sad for her, too. I've been there (in an earlier, very
different marriage) and found that I felt supported when I realized that
women can breastfeed *despite* their partners' lack of support. People
who told me that I was the one who knew what was best for my baby and
could do this were very helpful for me. Those who said "it takes three
to breastfeed" weren't.
Some women in these situations are at the point of being ready to leave
controlling spouses. Some find it easier to see this as a choice between
the abusive marriage and their committment to mothering. In other cases,
however, negotiation is possible. One mother I was working with made a
deal with her husband that she would continue to breastfeed but would
return to work when the baby was a year old. Another "gave up fighting"
about co-sleeping in return for breastfeeding.
As has been posted before, talking to the mother about whether she has a
plan, and how you can help her carry it out (information? a listening
ear? referral?) can be extremely empowering: it helps women to see their
way out of or work their way through situations in which they feel
trapped.
Jo-Anne Elder-Gomes, PhD, Women's Studies



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