Jan B writes:

<< I understand the tension between babies' needs of being
 w/ mom, and mom's needs for sleep.  The question becomes, whose "needs" need
 to be served?  What we may be perceiving as a "bad habit" in the baby may be
 just as legitimate a need as the mom's need for uninterrupted sleep???  >>

I think the only possible answer in cases, like this one, of real needs that
conflict with each other is:  the answer varies.

If you baby is gaining weight fine and seems happy and healthy even though
you are -- one way or another -- encouraging night sleep, great.  If on the
other hand your baby cries bitterly or is not gaining, you need to
re-evaluate.   Similarly, if you are tired but coping and beside maybe the
poor things is just teething, you can tolerate a lot; but when you feel
yourself on the edge of those sleep-deprivation hallucinations and then your
your cheerful 8mo old is delighted that you want to play for an hour from 2am
to 3am, it is easy to feel that you are at the point when you need to worry
about your own needs.

How many parents on this list have not been in at least TWO of these
situations?  And that's just the variability in raising one kid -- throw in
different children's temperaments and different parental temperaments and
there is just no one right answer here.   The physiological needs have to
come first, but the cultural needs are real too, insofar as we can and
sometimes must work them around the physiological ones.

As Gail wisely said, the best advice is to lighten up on the ideology and
ignore the advisors and enjoy your baby.

Elisheva Urbas
who has a 6 year old who has always loved her own bed, and a 3.5 year old who
shows no interest in leaving mine -- different kids...

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